Movie Review – The Last Key

I know many of you don’t like horror films.  I have to admit that I don’t normally like them but my boyfriend loves watching me squeal and squirm during movies. He loves how I jump into his arms and hold him tight.  This movie is the latest in the series of movies that also crosses over with the Conjuring series of films.

So is it scary? I’d definitely say it was scarier than “It”.  I held onto  my boyfriend for dear life and I kid you not when I say I screamed at least 3 times during the movie and even accidentally spilled my popcorn.  The movie had me covering my eyes in fear.

The movie follows the main character, Elise, who is psychic, and her co-workers, as you learn more about her past.  A really good story.  I was also amused by her helpers who are just two funny ghostbuster geeks.They had me chuckling during the movie as it relieved the tension.  If you like scary movies or watching your friends squirm in their seats, this is a great movie.  Of course my boyfriend does like to play with me during the movies.  He would touch me under my skirt or pinch my nipples in the dark at the right time and I would just jump from that.  Ever been fingered during a movie? Yes he buttered my popcorn.

I give the movie 3.5 erections out of 5.

 

Movie Review – Bad Santa 2

I saw this On Demand today while we waited for the snow to stop so we snuck into the bedroom and watched this.  My boyfriend told me the first one was good.  Well I think he liked this one too.  More than anything, he wanted you all to know that my personality is very much like the redhead in the movie.

The movie itself is vulgar with lots of foul language, especially but not limited to the sex scenes.  Billy Bob Thornton plays a trash talking safe-cracking drunk burglar hired to do a new job.

Christina Hendricks from Mad Men plays the victim and one of the sexual conquest in the movie and the woman that my boyfriend thinks you all might find to be similar to my personality in real life.  Well let’s just say that I could have played her role.

Lots of language and violent make this film a great no-brained movie.  I’ll give it a 4 out of 5 erections.  Believe it or not, there is no nudity.  Who knows, this is gonna become a Christmas classic

Movie Review – Star Wars: The Last Jedi

So I saw this movie on opening night and I loved it.  I am just a flat out movie lover.  And if you don’t see this in the movie theaters, you just aren’t a movie lover. I highly  recommend seeing this movie early.  Don’t wait.  Catch all the hype, don’t listen to naysayers or super-critical people.  It is a family and friend experience.  The movie itself in the greater world of movies is iconic.  This is the greatest movie franchise ever (yes even better than James Bond) as it changed movie making and story-telling.  It is again one of those movies that needs to be seen in theaters with a crowd full of movie fans and specifically Star Wars enthusiasts.  People who saw the original 20+ times, people who stay and watch all the credits, and people who will cheer when the movie starts.  This is not a sit at home alone in front of your large screen TV type of movie.

As for the movie itself, it has new characters.  Some cute, some funny, and some scary but so good to look at.  Even little kids won’t be that scared.  The movie is very long, but the story keeps you riveted.  I was slightly sick and had lots of drugs in me, but I was riveted to the screen.  Yes, you better pee before the movie starts because there is not a dull moment.  You won’t want to miss a thing for a bathroom break!  So order the regular size drink and not the extra large.

I did see the movie in 3D IMAX with my co-workers and we a geek fest happy hour afterwards…what does that mean?  Well imagine drunk men and women having a contest to see who can do their best Wookie impression!  That might be our next recruitment requirement!  LOL!

Just go see this movie.  As the second of this trilogy it is similar to the others in that space.  Just like Empire Strikes Back, except I think it is better because there really is no cliffhanger.  You know what the battle will be when this is resolved.  Don’t question me. You know I give this 5 full erections and ejaculations.

What questions will you have going into the next movie?  How will they portray Carrie Fisher’s character without her to play the role?  Will we see Luke in some way in the finale?  I just hope they don’t make the final movie ending a corny one.

Good thing is we only have to wait a year for the next movie and only 5 months for the Han Solo movie.

 

 

@RebeccasOffice Movie Review: Roman J Israel, Esq

I couldn’t decide what movie to watch this weekend.  I am obviously holding my breath in anticipation of the new Star Wars movie in two weeks.  Fortunately my partner recommend that we see Roman J. Israel, Esq.  What a great movie.  I think Denzel Washington puts together a great Academy Award Winning performance while Colin Farrell looks spectacular in a suit.

What I really like is that the movie takes place in my environment.  In fact, the place that he purchases in the movie is indeed close by my office: https://stayinglevel.com/los-angeles/accommodations/  These are really great rentals if you are visiting the Los Angeles area.

And then of course they show the beautiful Santa Monica area where I just hung out this weekend along the beach enjoying our December sun.

I am leaving out a lot of detail about the movie because it really is an interesting movie as it deals with a lot of society’s issues today (especially as it related to black people) in a very tasteful manner.  Great makeup and he kind of reminded me like Eddie Murphy from “The Klumps”.  It was kind of like Rainman meets The Klumps meets Jackie Brown meets Boys in Da Hood.

Thoroughly enjoyed this movie and I give it 5 full erections!

IT – Movie Review

I was originally going our to see Bladerunner 2049, but it was sold out, so we thought we’d try Thor, but that movie was sold out and has had bad reviews. So it was down to our 3rd choice.

Yes I admit that I had originally resisted seeing the remake of the Stephen King written, “It”.  If you read the book, it reads as a story covering two eras and was quite scary with lots of little tidbits that make you want to leave the lights on in the room.  The problem with Stephen King novels is that the supernatural is a very hard thing to translate to the movie screen.  When the original was filmed in the 80’s I feel like the Director made many shortcuts and not only did I not find the movie to be scary, but I actually thought some things were so ridiculous, that I laughed.

Well I normally don’t like remakes, but I have to say this movie thoroughly surprised me.  First, I was really scared.  I kept curling up in my seat in anticipation holding onto my boyfriend.  Secondly, I liked that they skinnied the movie down and focused only on the characters and their past in 1989.  The movie ends at the end of summer and the leave the second half of the movie to Chapter 2.  Yes they already are in production for the second half of the movie.

The film really allowed for better character development of each kid and I loved it.  These kids were really put in very scary situations and the light little humor that the film allows was well done beginning with references to New Kids on the Block and other 80’s icons like Molly Ringwald.  If you like to get your scare on every so often, ths movie will not disappoint.

I give this a 4 out of 5 erections.

Movie Review: Kingsman – The Golden Circle

I loved the original Kingsman and although I was sure I was going to be entertained by the sequel, I was worried it wasn’t going to be that entertaining.  Quite the contrary, I was very pleased and was also glad that I re-watched the original!  There are lots of references and continuations from the original in this movie. What is not to like about this movie?  I mean, a regular movie that talks about anal sex?  What is there not to like? LOL!

Actually I found myself thinking about why James Bond movies weren’t as fun anymore.  It doesn’t have the humor and gadgetry like Kingsman does.  They have really gone in the right direction and the cameos of people like Elton John in this movie was a beautiful touch!

The movie was a hair long, but other than that, I was thoroughly entertained and thought it had the proper amount of sexiness, humor, action, and plot!

Do I recommend this movie?  Yes!  I give it  5 blowjobs out of 5

Movie Review: “It” (Original 1990 Version)

Okay, so this past weekend we decided to go out and see the original version of the new movie , “It”.  We wanted to see it because we feel if you are going to watch a remake, we need to see the original.  We will do the same with Bladerunner as well.  Well all I can say is NO, NO, NO.

Well maybe now I know why they wanted to remake this movie.  My boyfriend says that other than Carrie or The Shining that no Stephen King movies have been better than the books.  I guess they are hard to replicate all the supernatural thoughts on those pages.   So let’s just say, the movie was NOT scary.  The acting was really bad.  The special effects were awful.  Some say this was meant to be campy.  I don’t like campy.  And what does campy mean anyhow?

Now you might say, “Rebecca, this was 1990”.  True, but given that Star Wars was 10 years old and that The Shining had already been done, this is not even close.  I was also thinking about it and they mostly used TV actors John Ritter (3’s Company), Tim Reid (WKRP in Cncinnati), Harry Dean Anderson (Night Court), and a bunch or people who were guest stars on Love Boat and Fantasy Island from the ’80s.  Their movie acting was almost comedic.  Watch their reactions.  They don’t teach that in acting school.  Lastly, Tim Curry (who plays Pennywise the Clown) openly says that they wish they did not do the remake so people did not watch the original to see how bad it was.  Tim is by far the best performance in the movie, but even he is embarrassed that little blip on his resume is being highlighted.  Just undoes his role in the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

So I guess I give this only a 1 out of 5 erections.  Only watch to satisfy your curiosity.  I will hopefully enjoy the new movie much more.  I have been hearing that it is good.  I hope so.

Movie Review – “mother!’

So do you not want to know too much about a movie before you see it?  Well that usually is me, but I would recommend that before you see this movie, you should do a little research.  I am not someone who comes out of movies totally clueless, but I came out of this movie with some questions and when I read the synopsis that should only be read by people who have seen the movie, I found that I had missed the point of the movie altogether!  I went back and talked about it with some friends and we were all saying, “What?……..Totally did not see that but it makes sense.”

I guess the problem is that this movie was sort of billed as a horror movie and ended up being more of an artsy, religious, sci-fi thriller.  So if you want some advice.  Study the small clues about the movies in all the trailers.  Take a look at the movie poster (copied it here).  Look for the one capitalized letter in all the signage in the movie promotion. If you don’t come away noting one or two things about the movie, then you are gonna miss the point.

I came out of the movie originally disappointed.  I thought the movie was a little slow at first and that I was not scared, but more confused.  I did not like the way it ended and that was because I missed the point.  I also had questions about certain things in the movie and didn’t understand them and that was because I missed the point and symbolism too.  Symbolism……yes, that is the key.  Look for lots of things in the movie representing symbols of things we know of.  Who are Ed Harris and Michelle Pfeiffer supposed to represent?  Who are Javier Bardim and Jennifer Lawrence supposed to be?  Who are Ed and Michelle’s characters supposed to be?  Kristen Wiig? What the heck is she doing in this non-comedy?  If you can answer those questions, then you will solve half of the mysteries of the movie, but don’t blink or you might miss the clues.

After you have seen the movie, read the synopsis written by the Telegraph UK.  Then you and I will be on the same page.

I give this movie a 2 out of 5 erections, but I am not the kind of person who should watch this movie.  It just isn’t the type of movie I like.  We were debating between this and Stephen King’s “It”!  I think I chose wrong.

 

Sexy Movie Review: Atomic Blonde

This past weekend we went to see Atomic Blonde.  It is promoted as a sexy action thriller starring the beautiful Charlize Theron as a stylized female version of James Bond.  Quite frankly many of you will just call her a Bad Ass.  Watch as she takes on 5-6 guys at a time.  Probably not the way you would want to see her take on 5-6 guys at one time.   Nevertheless she leaves the flat out sprawled all over the place.  The one thing that I was pleasantly surprised by was the great ’80s music soundtrack featuring David Bowie, Blondie, Eurythmics, Duran Duran, Queen, Depeche Mode, Nina and others.  I really enjoyed this feministic movie featuring a strong woman.  Quite frankly the new Wonder Woman movie was not my cup of tea

Sexy Moments: Forget that.  You want to know how much of Charlize’s sexiness you get to see.  Well she does get naked, but all you see her do is get stylized naked shots of her sitting with her back to you or making love to another woman.  (no breasts or crotch shots if that is what you are hoping for)

Overall I give the movie 4 out of 5 erections.  Try and see it in the theaters because the soundtrack is so good!

By the Way, if you like blondes, make sure to check out the latest video of my girlfriend, Milan, fucking a client.  Click Here

Movie Review: Baby Driver

Yes, we finally went to see Baby Driver.  I love movies where I come away singing the music from a movie.  I think the movie might be leaving theaters soon, but if you are like me, you’ll want to see this movie on the big screen.  The car chases are worth it.  The movie has a great cast, lots of action, and great music.

I know you guys like beautiful women and this movie has two very beautiful female stars and of course there is Kevin Spacey and Jamie Foxx.

Other than the ending, there is nothing I’d change in this flick and I will even watch again.

So if this is still showing in the theaters, get out there today before a new movie comes along

I give it 4 out of 5 sticky erections!  GO SEE It==IT