Movie Review: Life

Went to see the movie, “Life” and it did not disappoint from a special effects and thriller standpoint, but I will get to the point.  Thrillers for me are better when the actions are plausible and smart.  I find in the movie that many of the circumstances and situations in the movie did not seem like the right or most plausible actions, all the way up to the very end scene.

You know those movies where people are running from a very slow Frankenstein but always keep tripping and falling until he catches them because they can’t manage to stay on their feet despite his inability to run because of his bad limp?  Or how about when they hide in place for too long letting him catch up when they should be running and putting more distance between them.  Well this movie is a lot like that.  In fact, it isn’t until the final scenes that they decide to do what I would have done 2 hours earlier in the movie and by then they are in even deeper doo-doo.

The possible outcomes are pretty predictable throughout the movie so the outcome did not surprise me and was the least suspenseful part of the movie.   I give it a 3 erections out of 5 although it was entertaining

Movie Review : Moana

So I had to babysit my boyfriend’s kid the other night and we watched Moana.  Yes it was a Disney film and I don’t normally watch these kinds of movies anymore, but they are so cute and always filled with the right messages of fulfilling your destiny, overcoming your fears, girl power, etc.

I do think that secretly why I do not watch these movies is that I don’t want to catch myself getting into it and not being able to get the catchy song out of my head (remember “Let it go” from Frozen).  Well there is a song just like that in Moana.

I have to say it is fun.  I love the Pirate Coconuts.  I laughed pretty hard with that and the stupid chicken.  I have to admit graphics have gotten a lot better these days.  I’d give this 3.5 erections out of 5.  If you want good innocent fun, have a peek at this one.

Movie Review: Logan

Are you looking for an action-packed superhero movie?  Well this past weekend I watched Logan which I believe is the third installment of the Wolverine series.  If you don’t follow Superheroes, Wolverine is part of the X-Men superhero group.  Quite frankly it is hard to follow and I would not have known half the characters except I had a little brother who was into this stuff.

The problem is that there have been like a dozen of these Xmen movies, not to be confused with the popular Avengers movies (Ironman, Captain America, Thor, etc.) and it is hard to keep up.

While this movie sets you up well without the need for lots of knowledge about how, what or why, I did find myself trying to rack my brain and wonder where I left off in a previous movie.  It is also a long movie of over 2 hours and 40 minutes, so make sure you don’t drink too much during the movie or at least go to the bathroom before!  There is lots of violence with the severing of multiple body parts.

I won’t throw you any secrets or spoilers out there, but I do recommend this movie for action packed movie fans I give it 3 out of 5 erections.  As always with these films, watch for the teasers during the credits.

Movie Review – Get Out

Oh my gosh!  I wasn’t sure that I was going to see this movie.  The trailers looked really good, but I wasn’t hearing about anything from everyone and then noticed it was the number one box office hit two weeks in a row.  What you see in the previews is that a black guy is trapped or possibly drugged and captured at the house of some white people.

I won’t give it away, but I will say that now I know why nobody has said anything because the movie is surely a surprise.  What I can tell you is that my boyfriend and I walked out of the movie and some black girls looked at me with him and said, “That won’t last for long!”  It was kind of a joke.  I looked at my boyfriend who does not like scary movies and had been wriggling in his seat the whole time and asked him what he thought.  He was like, “It was entertaining, but that was some messed up shit!”

I have to agree that while a very interesting movie with a very different plot than what I had imagined, the reactions of the crowd were priceless.  People didn’t know how to react.  I kept telling my boyfriend not to worry.  He laughed.

I’d love to tell you the whole story, but I will let you watch it yourself.  I will be interested to see if you pick up on some of the clues as the movie marches along and the plot is revealed.  I will tell you one thing…watch what everyone’s reaction is during the traffic stop.  At the end of the movie, you will say….”Ah, now that makes sense”.

I give this movie 5 out of 5 erections!!

Rogue 1- Movie Review

thRogue 1 is the real prequel that bridges the gap between Episode 3 and 4.  It takes place leading up to the days of the first movie produced in 1979.  I must tell you that I am a bit of a geek and love these movies and that this is one of the best in the series in a long time.

I saw this movie in IMax 3D and it did not disappoint although I am sure it looks equally great in pure digital format on a large screen.  I will not tell you what happens in the movie as part of the fun of the movie is guessing how this ties up to Episode 4 and who you might see along the way.

What really worked for me is that the movie holds true to the real story and that I felt like the costumes and seriousness and mild humor really reflected the same excitement as the original Star Wars movie.

See this movie this holiday season!  I give it a perfect 5 erections!!!

Movie Review: Nocturnal Animals

nocturnal-animalsA stylish film?  Of course!  It has to be when it is directed by Gucci designer, Tom Ford.  You know, the guy who makes amazing clothes for James Bond?!  He is a director too!

So about this movie.  I have to say that when I walked out of the movie, I was scratching my head.  The ending of the movie had me scratching my head just as much as the beginning of the movie.  It is one of those movies that leaves you wondering and guessing the meaning of what you just saw.  I won’t tell you what I saw, but the movie was stylish with some beautiful film-making and obviously there are some gorgeous people in the movie. It is almost a snuff movie with a violent rape and very disturbingly beautiful  black comedy.

As far as the opening scene, if you like BBW that are naked, then I don’t think you’ll find a better movie to see.  It was so disturbingly distracting that I barely saw the opening credits.  Also if you like redheads, Isla Fisher and Amy Adams will make you drool.

I guess I first walked out of the movie giving it 2 erections but after reflecting, I will give it 31/2 out of 5.  Definitey watch it on the big screen

Rebecca’s Movie Review – Jack Reacher: Never Go Back

thDo you like a good action movie?  I do.  Sometimes it is just good to go to the movies and not have to think or use your brain.  I just want to move to another world and get away from my everyday life.  That is why went to see the new Jack Reacher movie the other night.  Approrpiate the title is Jack Reacher: Never Go Back. HA HA.  Well the truth is that we always go back…or is it black?

Well I loved the first movie formula and Tom Cruise tries to replicate it all:

  • Corrupt action
  • Rogue Vigilante
  • Female needing hunky man who likes to bare his chest
  • Scar under left cheek
  • Snarky funny action scenes
  • The old guy mastermind
  • The tough bad guy soldier who fights Jack to the finish

You’d think with all of that, that it would be great, but something was missing.  I think the story wasn’t as good as the first one.  I also think there were too many sensitive moments for Jack which made him seem weaker.  I almost fell asleep during the movie too.  We went home and watched the original again and agreed that there was something missing.  Maybe more insight into why Jack is the way he is.

It is up to you if you want to see the movie, but I am going to recommend that you wait for it to go “on-demand” .  I give it 2 1/2 erections!


@RebeccasOffice Movie Review – Florence Foster Jenkins

Florence Foster Jenkins

Florence Foster Jenkins

I love movies that are true stories or depictions.  They help me to enjoy the cornucopia of people in this world.  Mind you I am not a Meryl Streep fan, but this was awesome.  I actually went t the theater in the middle of the afternoon and there were maybe a half dozen people in the audience.  The movie is about an eccentric woman from the early 1900s who helped patronize the New York theater scene.I actually know many people like her in my life as I am sure you do too.  Here is someone who thinks highly of herself, but is so out of touch with the rest of the world that she has no idea how people perceive her.  Normally we’d all look at her and despise her, but in this case you really come to appreciate and through understanding, accept and applaud this woman.

Florence Foster Jenkins is a film that also captures the modern world of social media and real world culture.  We are all too familiar these days with these televised talent shows where normal people sing for celebrity judges and come to the harsh realization that they are not as good as they sound..

I was even inspired to look up more about her true life story.  There is a whole documentary on her on Youtube and you can hear her real recordings as narrated by friends.

I highly recommend seeing this in the theater and watch it as if you are at a concert.  See if you can stop from snickering, or laugh just like everyone else.  It is so funny.  The guy from Big Bang Theory was my favorite.  5 erections for this one for sure!!

Movie Review – Jason Bourne

Jason Bourne

Jason Bourne

So I re-watched all the Jason Bourne movies before seeing this movie because this series started all the way back in 2002 (Bourne Identity) with follow up movies in 2004 (Bourne Supremacy), 2007 (Bourne Ultimatum) and 2012 (Bourne Legacy).  Those movies in themselves were very tough to follow with overlapping time frames and scenes so that I had to go back and remember what happened.

Also, the description of the movie is horrible: “It’s been 10 years since Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) walked away from the agency that trained him to become a deadly weapon. Hoping to draw him out of the shadows, CIA director Robert Dewey assigns hacker and counterinsurgency expert Heather Lee to find him. Lee suspects that former operative Nicky Parsons is also looking for him. As she begins tracking the duo, Bourne finds himself back in action battling a sinister network that utilizes terror and technology to maintain unchecked power.”

Hacker? LOL! Draw hm out of the shadows? What? Sinister network?  Hardly!

So I guess the movie should really get 3 erections, but I am only going to give it 2 because I was disappointed.  The action was great and that was it.  The story was choppy, the character development was a little soft again, and you left yourself asking each other about “Why did that happen”, and “How did he know to go there?”.  It is entertaining though.  You definitely won’t be bored. I do recommend watching the old ones as well.

Movie Review – 10 Cloverfield Lane

10 Cloverfield Lane

10 Cloverfield Lane

Sometimes you watch a movie and wish you could get the 2 hours of your life back.  That is what I thought after watching this movie.  In a sense the movie does a good job of keeping you guessing up until the last 30 minutes.  So in that sense it holds your attention making you wonder why everything happens the way it happens.  Then in the last 30 minutes you get the answer and…………………it sucks.  And then everything that happened before still goes unanswered.  You are still left wondering what happened the last several hours and why you are left standing there dumbfounded.  If you want to watch a similar movie, watch “The Room”.  It is much better.  I give it two erections out of 10….and they weren’t even that stiff!!