Movie Review: Kingsman – The Golden Circle

I loved the original Kingsman and although I was sure I was going to be entertained by the sequel, I was worried it wasn’t going to be that entertaining.  Quite the contrary, I was very pleased and was also glad that I re-watched the original!  There are lots of references and continuations from the original in this movie. What is not to like about this movie?  I mean, a regular movie that talks about anal sex?  What is there not to like? LOL!

Actually I found myself thinking about why James Bond movies weren’t as fun anymore.  It doesn’t have the humor and gadgetry like Kingsman does.  They have really gone in the right direction and the cameos of people like Elton John in this movie was a beautiful touch!

The movie was a hair long, but other than that, I was thoroughly entertained and thought it had the proper amount of sexiness, humor, action, and plot!

Do I recommend this movie?  Yes!  I give it  5 blowjobs out of 5

Movie Review: “It” (Original 1990 Version)

Okay, so this past weekend we decided to go out and see the original version of the new movie , “It”.  We wanted to see it because we feel if you are going to watch a remake, we need to see the original.  We will do the same with Bladerunner as well.  Well all I can say is NO, NO, NO.

Well maybe now I know why they wanted to remake this movie.  My boyfriend says that other than Carrie or The Shining that no Stephen King movies have been better than the books.  I guess they are hard to replicate all the supernatural thoughts on those pages.   So let’s just say, the movie was NOT scary.  The acting was really bad.  The special effects were awful.  Some say this was meant to be campy.  I don’t like campy.  And what does campy mean anyhow?

Now you might say, “Rebecca, this was 1990”.  True, but given that Star Wars was 10 years old and that The Shining had already been done, this is not even close.  I was also thinking about it and they mostly used TV actors John Ritter (3’s Company), Tim Reid (WKRP in Cncinnati), Harry Dean Anderson (Night Court), and a bunch or people who were guest stars on Love Boat and Fantasy Island from the ’80s.  Their movie acting was almost comedic.  Watch their reactions.  They don’t teach that in acting school.  Lastly, Tim Curry (who plays Pennywise the Clown) openly says that they wish they did not do the remake so people did not watch the original to see how bad it was.  Tim is by far the best performance in the movie, but even he is embarrassed that little blip on his resume is being highlighted.  Just undoes his role in the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

So I guess I give this only a 1 out of 5 erections.  Only watch to satisfy your curiosity.  I will hopefully enjoy the new movie much more.  I have been hearing that it is good.  I hope so.

Movie Review – “mother!’

So do you not want to know too much about a movie before you see it?  Well that usually is me, but I would recommend that before you see this movie, you should do a little research.  I am not someone who comes out of movies totally clueless, but I came out of this movie with some questions and when I read the synopsis that should only be read by people who have seen the movie, I found that I had missed the point of the movie altogether!  I went back and talked about it with some friends and we were all saying, “What?……..Totally did not see that but it makes sense.”

I guess the problem is that this movie was sort of billed as a horror movie and ended up being more of an artsy, religious, sci-fi thriller.  So if you want some advice.  Study the small clues about the movies in all the trailers.  Take a look at the movie poster (copied it here).  Look for the one capitalized letter in all the signage in the movie promotion. If you don’t come away noting one or two things about the movie, then you are gonna miss the point.

I came out of the movie originally disappointed.  I thought the movie was a little slow at first and that I was not scared, but more confused.  I did not like the way it ended and that was because I missed the point.  I also had questions about certain things in the movie and didn’t understand them and that was because I missed the point and symbolism too.  Symbolism……yes, that is the key.  Look for lots of things in the movie representing symbols of things we know of.  Who are Ed Harris and Michelle Pfeiffer supposed to represent?  Who are Javier Bardim and Jennifer Lawrence supposed to be?  Who are Ed and Michelle’s characters supposed to be?  Kristen Wiig? What the heck is she doing in this non-comedy?  If you can answer those questions, then you will solve half of the mysteries of the movie, but don’t blink or you might miss the clues.

After you have seen the movie, read the synopsis written by the Telegraph UK.  Then you and I will be on the same page.

I give this movie a 2 out of 5 erections, but I am not the kind of person who should watch this movie.  It just isn’t the type of movie I like.  We were debating between this and Stephen King’s “It”!  I think I chose wrong.

 

Movie Review – Alien: Covenant

I saw Alien: Covenant on opening weekend in heavy anticipation of seeing how it would connect Prometheus to the original Alien movie.  I was also told it would make things more transparent and it would be really scary.  Scary I am not sure about but definitely suspenseful with non-stop action.   In typical Ridley Scott fashion it was dark with lots of fighting.

What I really like about the film is that they didn’t get too crazy with new technology.  I always hate when you see recent movies that are supposed to precede a famous movie that was from 20 years ago and now the technology looks so much better (Star Wars).  So the new Androids are upgraded, but still aren’t necessarily better, the guns aren’t better, etc.

What the movie does do well is close the chapter on Prometheus.  What it doesn’t do yet is tie into the original Alien movie.  It doesn’t really explain the Corporation and how it continues it’s plan.  It doesn’t explain how the Aliens continue to expand.   It does explain how they evolve into their current state.

I definitely recommend it for any Alien fan.  You have to watch them all out.  It definitely does a great job of making more sense out of the Prometheus movie.  There are lots of great Easter eggs in this movies.  Go check it out unless you have no interest in this series.

I give the movie a 3 erection out of 5 rating.

Before you watch this movie, here are a few things you should do first:

  1. Rewatch Prometheus if it has been awhile
  2. Rewatch this video about how David was created: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJ7E7Qp-s-8
  3. Watch this Short on the creation of Walter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4Cmf4BuNgg
  4. Watch this short called the Last Supper: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkXgRlRao5I
  5. Watch this short called The Crossing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeMVrnYNwus

SPOILERS (Read at own risk)

There are weird things for me.

  • It appears Daniels figure out it is not Walter way before when stitching and other things happen after the fight?
  • Why does David help kill the creature?
  • Why did all those people turn into statues and not just become Aliens?  Remember in the first movie how the guy becomes infected and just disintegrates into the water?
  • So where do we go from here?  Do we go to the new colony and find out if David incubates Tennessee and Daniels or some of the new colonists?

Movie Review: Guardians of the Galaxy 2

So I went out on opening weekend to see Guardians of the Galaxy 2.  I was skeptical of this concept initially and did not see the first one until it hit On-Demand, but I eagerly anticipated it.  Disney and Marvel have put a lot into this movie including Free Comic Book Day yesterday, creating a whole new ride at Disneyland, and adding many cameos into the movie.

Don’t listen to just me, but everyone else I heard leaving the theater also said this one was almost funnier and better than the first which says a lot.  I was laughing so hard!  I also loved the music almost as much as the first movie.  If you love 70s and 80s Pop/Rock you will be checking Google to remind you who sang certain songs.  Quick, who sang the song “Brandy”?

Overall there is a lot packed into the 2 hr 15 min. movie and you’ll leave with your friends re-counting the different scenes and reminding each other about the different small scenes the movie uses to stitch things together.  Of course, as in all Marvel films, Stan Lee has a quick cameo.  It is pretty quick, so don’t miss it.

My favorite scene?  The one with Groot dancing.

Make sure to see this movie if you loved the first one.  Also don’t forget to stay for all the credits so you see the little extras and outtakes from the movie.

Movie Review: Life

Went to see the movie, “Life” and it did not disappoint from a special effects and thriller standpoint, but I will get to the point.  Thrillers for me are better when the actions are plausible and smart.  I find in the movie that many of the circumstances and situations in the movie did not seem like the right or most plausible actions, all the way up to the very end scene.

You know those movies where people are running from a very slow Frankenstein but always keep tripping and falling until he catches them because they can’t manage to stay on their feet despite his inability to run because of his bad limp?  Or how about when they hide in place for too long letting him catch up when they should be running and putting more distance between them.  Well this movie is a lot like that.  In fact, it isn’t until the final scenes that they decide to do what I would have done 2 hours earlier in the movie and by then they are in even deeper doo-doo.

The possible outcomes are pretty predictable throughout the movie so the outcome did not surprise me and was the least suspenseful part of the movie.   I give it a 3 erections out of 5 although it was entertaining

Movie Review : Moana

So I had to babysit my boyfriend’s kid the other night and we watched Moana.  Yes it was a Disney film and I don’t normally watch these kinds of movies anymore, but they are so cute and always filled with the right messages of fulfilling your destiny, overcoming your fears, girl power, etc.

I do think that secretly why I do not watch these movies is that I don’t want to catch myself getting into it and not being able to get the catchy song out of my head (remember “Let it go” from Frozen).  Well there is a song just like that in Moana.

I have to say it is fun.  I love the Pirate Coconuts.  I laughed pretty hard with that and the stupid chicken.  I have to admit graphics have gotten a lot better these days.  I’d give this 3.5 erections out of 5.  If you want good innocent fun, have a peek at this one.

Rogue 1- Movie Review

thRogue 1 is the real prequel that bridges the gap between Episode 3 and 4.  It takes place leading up to the days of the first movie produced in 1979.  I must tell you that I am a bit of a geek and love these movies and that this is one of the best in the series in a long time.

I saw this movie in IMax 3D and it did not disappoint although I am sure it looks equally great in pure digital format on a large screen.  I will not tell you what happens in the movie as part of the fun of the movie is guessing how this ties up to Episode 4 and who you might see along the way.

What really worked for me is that the movie holds true to the real story and that I felt like the costumes and seriousness and mild humor really reflected the same excitement as the original Star Wars movie.

See this movie this holiday season!  I give it a perfect 5 erections!!!

Movie Review: Nocturnal Animals

nocturnal-animalsA stylish film?  Of course!  It has to be when it is directed by Gucci designer, Tom Ford.  You know, the guy who makes amazing clothes for James Bond?!  He is a director too!

So about this movie.  I have to say that when I walked out of the movie, I was scratching my head.  The ending of the movie had me scratching my head just as much as the beginning of the movie.  It is one of those movies that leaves you wondering and guessing the meaning of what you just saw.  I won’t tell you what I saw, but the movie was stylish with some beautiful film-making and obviously there are some gorgeous people in the movie. It is almost a snuff movie with a violent rape and very disturbingly beautiful  black comedy.

As far as the opening scene, if you like BBW that are naked, then I don’t think you’ll find a better movie to see.  It was so disturbingly distracting that I barely saw the opening credits.  Also if you like redheads, Isla Fisher and Amy Adams will make you drool.

I guess I first walked out of the movie giving it 2 erections but after reflecting, I will give it 31/2 out of 5.  Definitey watch it on the big screen

Movie Review – Lights Out

Light's Out

Light’s Out

I saw the new movie from James Wan – “Light’s Out”.  I loved it.  If jump at you movies are the ones that get you t scream and curl up in your seat, then this is the movie for you.  The best part of the movie is that the scares start right from the beginning and don’t end til the very out.

If you aren’t scared of the dark, you will be now.  The movie comes from the director of the Conjuring and uses a very similar formula.  What really got me about this movie is that it is one of those movies where the whole audience cringed, screamed, and laughed at the same time.  Yes, the laughs come from “Ben”, the dumb boyfriend who tries to help and unexpectedly finds himself in a situation that is more than he bargained for.  Well if that is what it takes to get the woman of your dreams, then he earned it!

My disappointment is that I am not sure this movie can have a sequel.  It might be able to create a prequel though.  I hope they do so that we can get more character development.  I give this a 4 out of 5 erections!